After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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