Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
