a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
