it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
