Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
