Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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