I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
