I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
