they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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