why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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