Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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