You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
