He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
