i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
