i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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