I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
