She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
