Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
