My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
