Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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