just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
