Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
