There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
