i think my mom watched the whole time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
