Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
