Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
