Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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