Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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