but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Two words: blizzard sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
