final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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