Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
