I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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