Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
