This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
