im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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