worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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