I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
