I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
