dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.