After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.