I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours