Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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