fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
