Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
