i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
