we're chasing vodka with high fives
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
