doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
