Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
