guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
