Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
