oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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