Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
