big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
