how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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