you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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