You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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