3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
