i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My ass is underappreciated
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
