i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you would pick up someone in the library
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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