I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
