New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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