Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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