Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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