And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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