how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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