just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
