tell your sister to shave her snatch
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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