she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
