I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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