honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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